• Sat. Jun 3rd, 2023

How to Make Jean Shopping Less Terrifying and More Enjoyable

ByLucille Wood

Aug 13, 2022

How to Make Jean Shopping Less Terrifying and More Enjoyable

One of the most soul crushing and self-esteem destroying activities for women is shopping for jeans. Some may argue that shopping for bathing suits is worse, but at least with that there is an expectation of awfulness. When shopping for jeans you are surprised almost every time. It is the Pearl Harbor of shopping. A self-esteem sneak attack that leaves you wondering if you are subconsciously a masochist for taking on this kamikaze mission.

At best you end up in the dressing room with a pair of jeans that won’t make it up past your hips and are forced to do the walk shame – returning the jeans you tried on and grabbing a larger size only to return to the dressing room. At worst, you get the jeans over your hips, but are unable to remove them – requiring the sales girl to enter your dressing room with some sort of vise while onlookers film this escapade on their cell phones which makes you the next YouTube sensation.

There is a way to spare yourself this indignity. The solution is online shopping. A plain jane can graduate to fashionista by using this wonderful method to spare her gas, time, and self-esteem. Here are reasons why online jean shopping is a salve to your self-esteem.

You have a greater variety in sizes and lengths. You are not Noah, you are not building an ark, so why do you look like you are dressed for a flood? Go find the jeans online for tall women. A plain jane becomes mesmerizing with a pair of good fitting jeans.

Many sites offer free shipping both ways. This means no more walk of shame and the only indignity suffered is between you and your postman when you return the too small jeans.

You can control the lighting when you try on the jeans at home. Most dressing room lighting makes the Vegas Strip look subtle. You can see every dent and dimple. At home, there is a dimmer switch or candlelight. While you are at it why not throw in a bottle wine and mood music, for some it may turn into the best date you have had in a while.

You can move around to see if the jeans will really work for you. Putting on jeans in a 4 x 4 box does not offer a real test drive of the jeans. At home you can put them on, walk around the house, and try sitting down. You don’t want to be a plain jane that discovers that she has to unbutton the top button of her jeans to sit down. You want to be the woman in great fitting jeans that is comfortable and exudes confidence to the world around her.

You can get real opinions if you try them on in front of friends and family. You don’t have to listen to the sales girl telling you how great you look while she is silently counting her commission.

As far as plain jane self-esteem building activities go, jean shopping is not going to crack the top 100. The best you can do is minimize the damage like the giant concrete wall built around the Chernobyl nuclear reactor. If you contain the potential disaster to the confines of you home, you may able to get through trying on jeans without having to program the suicide hotline into your cell phone. Shopping online for jeans will definitely prevent gene therapy from becoming jean therapy for PTSD. Who knows you might grow to love shopping for jeans but you will also need to buy a tether for your flying pig.